Closed -> Open Book = Singlehood

New Year, new chapter. New life. Everything old feels like new again to me. Most specially this singlehood thing I’m dealing right now. A lot has changed from moving on, to accepting the fact that my ex has someone new, and finally from being fully recovered from all these emotional catastrophe of ending the relationship in my own terms and in my own preferred time. I only determined that I’m already at the end of it when I’m starting not to think of him from every hour, to everyday, to every week… a month till he became someone that I used to know.

Being single has its own pros and cons. You get to know a lot of people who can appreciate you inside-out. Go to places without having any curfew or any fucking conscience of anything you might do. All I can always think of is that I am only responsible to myself. Am I enjoying it? Well yes! But too much of it is an unexpected sucker. So this is where I began to realize that I should start limiting the people around me to myself. I can’t afford to be everywhere. I can only handle as much demands. Learn to say no is hard to think at first but with a firm decision, it’s manageable. I can’t please anyone, that’s one thing I have validated. And yes, I will stay being straight forward which sometimes can hurt other’s feelings towards me but I can’t afford to lose the grip of firmness in me.

The difference of being single from having a partner is like driving a car. Having your other half, sometimes, you need not to be in the driver seat and just stay at the passenger’s side. You can depend on your partner or you can dictate where both of you will go. While being single, you need to drive your own car/life which you may see some obstacles along the way that only you will decide which path you’re going to take. So that’s why we need to be more focused when we’re single as no one will really contradict on the things that we want. It’s just that we should really know what we really want. Again, focus.

So upon declaring my singlehood, this doesn’t mean that I’m opening myself out in the market. Yes, I’m single. But I’m not available. After all the distractions, I finally know what I want. And I’ll focus on it for now.