Dad, I'm Gay

DISCLAIMER: To those who are homophobic… don’t even try reading this!

 

Stupid are those who deny the existence of Gays and Lesbians. Or the parents who’re saying to their children that they would rather prefer their child to be a drug addict than to be gay. Seriously, they really don’t know what they’re doing. For me, God really made this or gave this to human kind for a lot of reason. People who are “like me” are called the Libra of the society. We create and maintain the balance of life. If you’re going to notice, nowadays, most of the good looking men and women are the ones who turned gay. According to my personal theory, this is to maintain population control. It may sound really funny but seriously, if all the gorgeous people were straight then prolly it will be raining babies all over the place and poverty will be like an oxygen that we breathe for the whole time that we are living on this earth. Another good reason why “we” subsist is to prove that we are all made equal. Gays can show that whatever your sexuality is, you can excel in every aspect in life for as long as we have the right drive and determination. Enough about the Men over powering Women or Husbands should act as a slave for their Wives.

 

It’s really a wishful thinking trying to remove this stigma about gays/lesbians from the society. I do understand that we still have people around us who’re treating this sexuality as an abnormality or like a skin disease. And to some parents who doesn’t get why their child ended being gay, why not try asking your own genes instead?! On the contrary, I’m not in favor of putting an organization or go on a rally to fight for the rights of Gays and Lesbians. I mean, what kind of right are you trying to fight for? The right to legally suck a d*ck? We can also not blame why other people hated us. Sometimes, we put our own target board to our head why others try to keep shooting on us. We ourselves, mold this thing called reputation that we want others to see from us. So better mold it right if you want to earn others’ respect. And straight  people are not excluded in this rule. It’s just that for “us”, we should put twice the effort as compare to them for the sake of continuously proving that we are equal.

 

Another thing that a gay would consider as his greatest battle is to either hide his true sexuality or to admit it to the world. This is such a dilemma as you may never know what would be the outcome of both circumstances. It is really hard to keep it hidden inside your closet. The guilt of pretending and lying will chase you like a ghost. Because of the things you would consider like if you’re the only guy in your family, or your parents might dishonor you once they find out will keep you a closet queen. Having the guts to admit it doesn’t always take home the bacon. Most cases, it will just hurt the people you love. Lucky are the ones who gets the crown of acceptance in admitting their sexuality.

 

I remember the time I admit it to my family. That was when my dad borrowed my PS2 and I forgot to eject a gay porn inside it. When my dad finally discovered it, he immediately texted me wanting me to explain about it. I kept quiet. And he keep on ringing my phone. And again, I remained mute. But when he finally texted asking why didn’t I tell him and that he looked so stupid all the while, I replied. I said, it’s not that I don’t want to tell him, I just don’t want to talk about it. And that’s the time that he kept his own silence… and in less than an hour, he replied “It’s ok, I love you”… … …

Badlentine’s Day

I’m writing this post just to trash my thoughts in this Valentines celebration. Valentine’s day is just a date to express or rather exaggerate in showing how we love someone. But why wait for this day when you can do it in any day you want?

People who are single are treating this day as a one day stigma on their annual lives. Which shouldn’t be the case. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy this celebration. Valentine’s day aren’t really made for couples. Well couples may have an easy pass on who can they celebrate it but for the ones who are single, we can use this day to show your gratitude to someone like your friends, parents or closest relatives. Erase the negative thought of envying couples you see who’re both wearing red on this day and stop wearing something black for yourself.

For couples, this day can put a big pressure and a lot of expectation for lovers. It’s the exact same polarity of being single but having the same wave lengths in terms of making it through this day. The hassle to book a nice restaurants or the best seat to a concert or even to cinemas. The extra present you would be thinking aside from the little things you give or do during your monthsaries. Talking about financial matters, this is no joke at all. But on a different note, always think that  it’s the thought that still counts. Always, remember, this is just a date. If all fails during this day, doesn’t mean it’s the end of your relationship with your partner.

Different pressures around the air before or during this day can turn Valentines into Bad-lentines. But whatever it is that’s adding the tense on it, it’s just a state of mind. This is just one of the many crazy celebrations that humans created for us to loosen up ourselves from our boring lives. And to give more reason for us to spend our money.

Talk About Love

When I was younger, I used to be the hopeless romantic type of guy who loves to write love letters and make some full of effort artsy gifts to my love ones. I always made sure that my present will be surprisingly different and unexpectedly delightful. It’s not necessarily costly, well also because I don’t have much money back then. Honestly, I don’t know if it’s because I don’t spend too much on my gifts that’s why I will just unleash the Picasso in me or is it because I’m just too in love to be so inspired to do something special. Well it can be both I guess.

Young love, so vividly pure and intense. The initiation of the heart. This is the start of all the “first time”. First love, first kiss, first heartache, first sex and the first time you will break someone’s heart. This is the moment of our lives that can make a big mark to us that we will carry until we grow old. This is also the time where the heart is so careless and wild that our mind has no control of it. It’s because of the things we have never felt before when we are just kids trying to just love our parents and all we do is to just study our lessons at school. A suppressed or untapped emotion that’s starting to get out inside us as we approach our teen years. I can still remember all my first time in terms of love. Looking back at those moments, I can say how stupidly in love I was back then. But thanks to all those things that hurt and made a callous to my heart which made me a stronger person now. But there’s also a part of me who will forever appreciate my stupidity before which I think I might not ever do again.

Does it comes with the age of a person on how he/she treat him/herself being in love? No, because I know a lot of people who were already at their middle years, but still manage to do the teeny bopper kind of love affair. I guess, it’s how you will nourish the love in you. For me, love will always be immature and has no mind of its own. And we, as the owner of it is responsible for all the things it will feel for us. Love is ageless and it’s the mind that grows old and learns how to manipulate our heart. The heart is so pure that only our mind can remind it the marks of its wounds. The best way to balance the heart between our mind is to stop thinking about the “Heart over Mind” or “Mind over Heart” kind of label or judgment that we usually bestow on us or to other people as both things should work cooperatively.

Love is like religion. Too many things to believe in that we should be respecting. Reminiscing the love back then and now can make us realize a lot of things about life and love. And for me, love can wait. We should not let ourselves revolve around it but it should be the other way around. As there are other things in life which will help love to grow in us in the long run that we should also be attending.

Great Pretenders

Among the people around you, not excluding if they’re blood related or you consider close to you, my personal statistic is that half or more than half of them are great pretenders. If you think that Shape Shifters are just a mythical creature, then I can prove you wrong. These are the people who knows how to smile at you while doing/saying something unpleasant about you at the back of your head. At first, it’s really quite hard for me to identify the people who are true and who are microwaveable plastics. But once you get used to it, with all the disappointments and the regrets of trusting them, I can even identify how they smell like...

I do have some theories after analyzing why this kind of trait exists in us. And I don’t want to be a hypocrite, and yes, I do admit that I  myself can top notch the role of pretending. So why do we do this when we all know that honesty is the best policy? First, we tend to  pretend for the sake of not causing too much damage. Sometimes we have to do this to hold back what we really feel in order not to hurt someone. One best safe example I can think of is when you’re in a meeting with all your colleagues and your boss. Even if you don’t like some of the people around you inside that room or even your boss, you just pretend that you’re ok and put the fake smiles just to cover up what you feel.  This is necessary as we are just trying to be in a professional manner specially if the discussion is purely work related. Some people who are too submissive are also good in pretending. Maybe because it’s easier for them to just get along with the situation rather than saying what they really feel for the reason that it’s either they hate arguments or they’re just lame to forecast a possible debate out of it.

The last thing I can think of why some are fond of this plastic attitude is due to power tripping. Just for the purpose of fooling someone and set this up as a good laughing conversation with their friends can make them feel quite superior sometimes. Very high school-ish huh?! But seriously, it has no age limit. Just a level of maturity I guess. Or also, if a person would just want to gather some good facts about you, that they can squeal out which can turn into a major gossip. I really find it so stupid that such filthy low-life creature exists. Whenever you will encounter such people, just try not to stoop down on their level and just have this thought that maybe they’re not satisfied with their fucked up lives or they’re not happy with their childhood etc.

The pros and cons of pretending. In some way, it can really help ease the situation but can we treat this as a good practice? Maybe it depends. But considering the law of life, pretending is somewhat lying. Like even if it’s a white lie, it is still a lie…