Level Up!

Experiences are like seeds. You rip what you saw. Parang farmville lang yan na you can't just get it in an instant. And it depends on how you'll harvest it. It can be a fruitful one, ripened. You get what you've expected. But since we're not living in a perfect world, most of these experiences, despite of the nourish you made, pwedeng mauwi sa hindi maganda. Kaya nga we have this term called "charge it to experience".  I can also best describe on how these experiences can be gained is like playing a role playing game on your computer like different online games. Just like DotA which I've been playing for roughly 8 years now! (Sabi ko na nga ba may magandang naidudulot ang pagiging addict sa DotA!) In this kind of game, you have to gain XP, which is a short term for experience for you to earn new abilities or powers to strengthen your character. You have to fight different monsters or undergo a lot of missions and lose a lot of HP (which is a short term for health points btw) just to earn it. If we're going to translate this kind of structure in our everyday living, wala kang mabibiling XP sa 711 or sa kahit anong convenient store! And I can attest that it really comes with the age of a person just to earn it.

Nowadays, a lot of young kids are claiming that they know a lot. That they're already matured. Well, I will give this kind of credit to them because I used to be like that. Thinking like a smarty pants in a relationship. Or on how to deal with different obstacles in life. But little they know that XP is a major factor of maturity. We can't claim that we're matured just because we've read a lot of Chicken Soup for the whatsoever Soul. Or watched Carrie Bradshaw outgrew the television and moved to the big screen with her friends. Or even by learning a different term browsing Merriam Webster's thesaurus section. You have to put out some of your HP for it, meaning you have to invest your life span of experience to claim maturity.

One thing I have learned in order to have a better experience in life is, always keep your options open. Never close your mind. Listening to elders is not the best suggestion but it can always be an option. Marami na rin kasi ngayon ang tumatandang parang walang pinagkatandaan. But then again, good experience doesn't always play the role of a good professor in teaching you how to be matured. Most of the time mas natututo talaga ang tao dahil sa mga bad experiences nya. Yung mga tipong almost traumatic! It may sound like I'm a masochist, but that's how I've learned a lot. Yung nasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko na pucha ayoko ng mangyari sakin to. Good XPs are very pleasing to remember but the bad ones are the key to make you stronger and tougher. Na everytime na ma eencounter mo ulit yung ganung scenario, alam mo na more or less kung anong gagawin mo. There's no guarantee that it won't hurt you anymore, but atleast you already know how to get out of it. Just make sure lang na wag mo paabutin sa balat mo ang pagiging stronger and tougher because of the bad encounters or it may lead you being insensitive.

Maturity is a very global term in so many different aspects of life. Just make sure that you're always packed with enough XP to earn it. A lot of failures may be encountered. But always remember, some battles are not meant for us to win. Keep in mind that acceptance and learning how to give up is a sign of maturity. And whatever it takes, always make sure that your HPs are not being spent for no well XPs gained. Siguraduhin mo na nag lelevel-up ka sa mga ginagawa mo sa buhay mo at hindi ka tumatandang paurong.

Blame it on the Weatherman

The Rain goes on and on and on again... I alway remember this song by B*Witched everytime we're experiencing heavy rainfall, a storm, a typhoon. But no matter how strong and how disastrous it can be, I'd still choose it over a hot and humid weather. Rain can bring you mixed emotions... old memories.... good or bad, it brings back everything.

The first thing I can remember whenever it's raining is back when I was a kid. My parents would want me to take a shower under the rain believing that it can help my hair grow faster. Kinalbo kasi ako nung bata ako. And during those times. Kapag kalbo ka hindi hot sa paningin. The Initial impression is because pangit yung hair mo. But mine wasn't. Namali lang yung baklang nag gupit sakin ng pagkaka intindi ng "clean cut". LOL.
Another thing that I can remember is back in college. Kapag umulan na kinakabahan na ko on what I should do to protect all my worksheet so I'd risk everything para di mabasa lahat ng accounting papers ko. 

Rain can also symbolyze a lot of romantic things. Like when you're having a date, tapos biglang umulan then nakasilong kayo sa iisang payong while going to your destination. It's simple but somehow, I find it sweet. Or just like in a romantic film.... running holding hands under the rain... di ko pa nagagawa yun pero you can see how the rain can add an amorous surrounding on the scene. And the best for me is, making love under the pouring rain.... now don't take it literally ofcourse nasa loob ng bahay doing it while it's raining....

There is also the memories of heartaches during this kind of weather. The time you're talking with your ex on the phone and he suddenly said that he doesn't love you anymore at isinabay mo naman yung luha mo sa pagbuhos ng ulan. Or the time you caught your partner cheating on you on a rainy night. A rain on a funeral can also be heartcrashing...

But ofcourse, the so called love cycle will not be completed if there's no "Moving On" part. The glorious day! The day that you can say to yourself na pagkatapos ng ulan, I'm already over you. Or the moment where you let the rain clensed all your sorrow and pain. And you wish na sana malunod na sya sa flood.... kidding!

These memories will keep on pinching your mind and nevertheless most of these events, masakit man or hindi the usual reaction you will have is to just smile.... and sigh. And by the way, if  PAGASA will declare that the class or work is suspended... expect mo na bigla na lang aaraw after that...

I See Dead People

Just landed on my bed. Was about to sleep for another early work on a manic Monday. Obviously on my title, what I want to throw tonight on my trash bin is this ability.... or gift that I can see some people which I pressume are already dead. Yes, not only that I'm color blind, but I have my third eye opened.

Eversince I was a kid, I already know that there is something unusual in what I see. Did I even got scared? Hell yeah! Way back then it really freaks me out. How can I never forget the old lady in our old house. At first, I keep on convincing myself that it's just my imagination considering myself being an avid fan of horror movies. But what I see is different, they're not like the ghosts in movies that are headless, in white dresses or scary looking beings. The so called ghosts that I see are like humans. I can"t even distinguish the differences. The only time I will realize that they're one of them is their attire. Like what's a girl wearing a nanny dress doing inside my office. Or an old guy wearing a soldier-like uniform on a sunny day at the beach. Scary? Nah, I got used to it!

I can really describe their full appearance. Like the time I'm with my friends at their farm. While we were drinking wine I saw an old bald guy outside wearing white t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of slippers. They're aware that I can see them. When one of my close friends got drunk, he finally had the guts to ask if I'm seeing something, or someone. I don't wanna ruin the night, but I can't help but to ask my friend who is the owner of the farm house about the guy I saw. I described the man and suddenly he screamed like a girl and told me that it was their helper who died there. Another example is when I saw my friend's dead uncle, another friend's dead nanny etc...

You know why I'm not scared? It's because I'm waiting for the time that I will saw my mom... she died of cancer when I was 16 years old. God knows how much I missed her. They say that maybe it's because she already crossed over that's why I can't see her anymore. But how can she, when she keeps on saying on her last breath that she doesn't want to die yet?! That we're too young for her to leave us?! Since I have this gift, I'm not losing hope that I will see her again...

Sabi ni Ally Mcbeal

This series used to be an eye opener for me.... one of the best lines I can never forget:

 

If you see me walking on the road with someone else, its not because I like his company, its because you're not brave enough to to walk beside me. If you hear me talking about him, its not because he pleases me, its because you're deaf to hear my heartbeat. If you feel me falling with someone new, its not because I love him, its because you're not there to catch me if I fall..

Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.

Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

Here I am, the victim of my own choices. And I'm just starting.

Sometimes... there's no point in the truth if the only thing it will do is cause pain.

The real truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content. Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.

Remember, when you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

I've been dumped before. This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia.

Nothing’s PERFECT, No one lives FOREVER

Perfect, Forever… these two words that people really drools into just to achieve it, just to be it. Almost everybody would fight for and die for just to have it. But yeah almost… not all… not me.



It’s a given fact that nobody’s perfect, it’s just that people strive their best just to be close enough in that position. Same with the word forever. Everything dies/fades but atleast before it came to that point, some people will try to experience the "feeling" of living forever. Yeah been there done that and I must admit it really creates this amorous feeling in the air that surrounds you. Parang wala ng maling mangyayari na you could even say that evrythings under your control and all is in the plan. You can even feel like you have this certain power to move mountains na everytime you see people failing, you feel blessed na masasabi mo na you're one of the luckiest creature. Sobrang gaan ng feeling mo sobrang swabe. You can even describe it best as "Heaven".But the question is, how far can you go? How long can you sustain it?

Dito na papasok yung conflicts. After savoring the feeling, sooner or later you're gonna ask yourself the "what if" questions. What if hindi ko masustain? What if mawala yung spark? What if hindi ko ma-maintain? What if there's a dead end ahead this happy long journey? Well two types of people would take these questions differently. The first one would not care at all as long as he's enjoying the moment. Saka na lang isipin pag dumating na and enjoy muna "for now". Dito palang questionable na yung "forever". The second one would prepare himself on the worse case scenarios ahead of time. Pwedeng i-ready na nya yung sarili nya or umisip na sya ng mga maaaring di magandang kauuwian na halos ma-paranoid na. Would you still consider it as a "perfect" feeling then? Either way parehas lang na haharap yan sa word na "End". Prolly different tactics on how you're gonna take it but in anyway you have to accept that fact.


This is just my two cents, it may sound bitter but for me, the word perfect and forever in a relationship is just a mere delusion that most people loves to dwell into. May mga tao na sobrang strict pagdating dito. They tend to get mad because of the fact na gusto nila laging perfect ang lahat. But because of this kind of attitude, fights are being made that could lead into misunderstanding and worse is to a break-up. Meron namang iba na sobrang pasensyoso, di marunong magalit or hindi na lang nilalabas yung galit para wala ng conflict or gulo but still being misunderstood because of that. Ang sama pa eh kung kelan di ka na marunong magalit eh saka pa sayo idedemand dahil at some point daw eh healthy sa isang relasyon yung nag aaway. If you're like the first type of person that i've mentioned, then you failed to maintain perfection and forever, most probably you will try to be the second type of person na nasabi ko and vice versa. Kasi you might feel na if you change the way you are, baka maayos na ang lahat and you might get or redeemed both perfection and forever. Eh what if you've been into both ways but still you ended up the same? Ano na lang di ba?!?! The only consolation thought that you'll just get is masasabi mo na lang na siguro wrong person lang or wrong timing. Na prolly you're just not meant to be. But until when are you gonna take these kind of consolation prizes? Kaya nowadays, you can't blame people who's not into relationship. Yung iba pa-date date na lang, yung iba naman sex na lang. Most people are traumatized committing themselves for so many different reasons. But whatever it is, they tried to make it perfect like it's forever before they end up like that. Ang mahirap lang is when you met someone whom you think is the right one, that person is already graduated in failing many relationships. Na kahit ano pa ang gawin mo eh barado na ang utak at puso nya. Na in the end you might think that life is cruel and baka mag end up ka na lang din na gayahin sya. I really find it stupid but this is how the chain reaction is.

So instead of having high hopes in having a forever perfect relationship, mas ok pa na isipin mo na lang na there's always an end to everything. Not that you're giving up already on being happy with someone pero atleast mas alam mo na yung totoo na mangyayari. Na you don't have to think a lot of things to make it perfect and how to make it forever. As long as you know that you're inlove and your feelings are true, that's all that matters. In that way you can give it all without any worries. Kung sakaling hindi mag work out, eh ganun talaga eh, atleast ok na yung wala kang regrets of showing what you really are. And without these delusions, if ever it didn't work out, hindi gaanong masakit.

Pseudo Relationship "Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi"

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang formal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-jowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the one may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa partner nya (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" factor.

I’ve encountered a lot of people who wants to try pseudo-relationship with me. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig factor. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, either one or both of you is being unfair.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other guys, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other guys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya… almost, but not quite.

Welcome ME!

OKKK... first and foremost I never expect that I would end up doing this. What else but having this site. I'm too afraid of bloggers because they can divulge anything about you! Well, that was my first impression. But look at me right now... There's a better explanation why I have this shit. I just realized that this is the best garbage truck who can assist me trashing all my random thoughts. The thoughts that you suddenly think of while you're at a public place, public transport, and/or at the public toilet bowl! I have saved some of my so called random thoughts on a disk and on a digital diary LOL... but I think I should secure them more putting it here. I don't mind if someone will read all the things I'm going to post here but it would be a good release on my part saying all the things that I want. So welcome ME! :D