New Year’s Resurrection

Farewell 2011... It’s so ironic if you’re going to look back how time flies so fast during this year but quite a lot of good and bad memories along the way. One of the best way to welcome 2012 is to assess ourselves on what are the things we have achieved, the ones we would want to continue to do on the next year and the things we want to burry along with 2011. And it’s high time for us to have a conclusion which a lot of people are fond of doing but not everyone can achieve... making a list of new year’s resolution.

These resolutions are the ones we have come up with based on the not so good things that we’ve done or experienced during the previous year. It may also be something that you would want for a change. And by change, it’s really not necessary if it’s for your own improvement. Sometimes, the reason why you want this change is to just eliminate the boringness that’s lurking in our lives... something new. But whatever your resolution may be, let’s always be responsible for all the risk that we would take along the process.

Not all New Year’s Resolution should always be something new. As people grew older, a lot of things were being absorbed and embodied by oneself. These are the subconcious things or traits that we are getting but we rarely noticed. The only way we will discover this is when we meet an old friend, or a relative whom we haven’t seen for quite a while who will tell us how we used to be back then.  Once these box of our old qualities were re-opened, that’s the time that we will realize and compare how we are now and before. Questions like “Am I better now that I know and I’ve been though a lot or back when I was  naive?” or “Was I really like that back then?”... etc... These are the thoughts that we shouldn’t get confuse and rather take it as an additional option or an add on to our resolutions.

Sometimes, re-rooting ourselves on this good old traits are the best resolution that we will have as it will be easier for us to do it since we were once like what we’re aiming to achieve. And I call it new year’s resurrection, as we’ll try to revive or bring back what we once have within us. Once we’re tired to find answers... always go back from the start. Happy 2012!

The Other Side of You

Like what Kelly Clarkson says on her song Dark Side, everybody’s got one. Either we know what it is or worse is that it will just suddenly explode inside you like a stealth bomb. Others might just undergo a phase where they will enter into a battlefield inside them to either deal with it or understand what caused it. While some has it innately like as if, they’re dark side has been playing some roles on their everyday living and it might not be difficult for them to handle it as it may become a daily routine for them to unleash it. But on the contrary, it might not be as evil as it seem because they do find ways not to suppress their dark side.  Either way, I just can’t measure which one is the lesser evil between the sudden surge of darkness inside you and darkness, as part of your oxygen. I guess none….

My personal definition of the dark side is something you never thought you could do… cheating, lying, hurting someone you love… Things that after you’ve done, here comes your conscience speeding up like a police car chasing you. Well if you didn’t hear any siren from your conscience after doing such things… then I guess you’ve already been devoured by the dark force within you… TSK! TSK! TSK! OKKK kidding aside! Normally these are the things you would want to try and being tempted to attempt even though you do know the damage it would cause you or might affect the people around you. We all have this in us which varies from different wave lengths per individuals. The urge to commit mistakes. And currently, I’m also having my own battle on this and was blessed with few people who still understands me despite of all the stupid things I’m doing…

If you’re or you’ll be in this kind of state, make sure not to keep on hurting the people who genuinely loves you. If you need to push them away in order not to impair them with what you’re dealing with yourself, do so. Consider them as your light that will save you from this sinister you’ve been going through. This too shall pass. I just hope it’s not too late for me…

Saving Someone’s Arse

Not all people who can give good advises are good practitioners of what they’re preaching. Mostly, when they’re the one being on the situation, they tend to forget what they’ve been advising to help others. I guess it’s really normal because when we’re giving some advises, it’s our mind that we’re using to produce a good fact and some pointers that can be an aid to someone who needs it. And it’s different when we’re the one who’re caught in trouble as it’s our heart who initially receives the damage which might caught off-guard our mind to assist our poor heart.

I surprise myself most of the time whenever I’m giving some words of wisdom to my friends who’re in serious trouble. Like as if I wasn’t expecting that it really came out of my mouth. Nevertheless I’m quite happy that they do trust me and it really touches me when they’re treating me as their 911 whenever they’re in pain (but not financial problem OK?!) or the yellow gay-like cartoon character, Spongebob when they need someone who will absorb and listen to their angst.

But on a serious note, saving someone’s ass doesn’t mean you have to do what this person wanted to hear or to happen. And sugar coating isn’t always the best way for them to realize a long term solution to their problem. We have to let them feel how bad the reality is for them to realize what they need or what they’ve been missing in their life. And if ever, we have to be selfless and exclude what we personally feel in order to make their lives better. Be ready to submit yourself and play the part of being an antagonist if it will mean that this person will be a hero that will succeed on his dream in the future. And I call this… sacrifice.

Helping someone rise from their grave is one of the surreal feeling you will get that no money can ever buy. No need to ask something in return for as long as you see that this person you once helped is now in a better position. By helping someone, I began to realize that I’m also helping myself to know who I really am and what I’m capable of. And I guess this is the priceless gift I can give to my love ones this holiday season.

Sigh...lent

With all the issues banging your head, sometimes being silent says it all.  This is how most people can get out of their problems just like the corrupt politicians or some rumors and gossips of the celebs from the showbiz world. Just let time incinerate and turned it into dust. Because before you know it, they’re already focusing themselves on a different talk of the town.

Being silent in an aftermath is misleading. But seriously, we shouldn’t give a damn on people’s judgment. Especially the ones who doesn’t really know who we are. Very few can really understand why an individual chose to be quiet rather than exploiting the details of what really happened. Most people can already plot that it’s because your guilty of doing something that caused the damage. But you know sometimes, it can be true. People stayed quiet out of guilt. But some chose to be mute for they might be tired to defend themselves. Or maybe they just don’t want to argue or worse is that they’ve already ran out of words to argue. Or simply, they just don’t want to feel like living in a showbiz life sitting on  a hot seat and being grilled by people who is either really concerned about your situation or just tempted to gather the facts that they can get to forward to Gossip Girl. If you asked a person and he didn’t answer, it’s not because this person doesn’t trust you. Nor is not interested in sharing it with you. He might just rather be dealing his sentiments on his own. And if in case this individual still insisted, believe me, he/she is just after the gossip. A true friend will always say they understand despite of the silent treatment.

When you’re too tired to speak, it’s ok to just shut your mouth. Because sometimes, the more we talk, the more we commit mistakes. And most of the time, being uncommunicative can calm the fire and might give you a fresh start. We have to learn how to respect whoever it is in a wordless state because we really don’t have a clue how it might be noisy it is inside them that they’re currently dealing with.

I Fucked Up

No reason to brag this post. I will remember this day. Where my decision was intertwined between what I want for myself and/or how my life should be in a relationship. It’s really better to be hurt than to cause the pain. Guilt kills me like a parasite all over my body. Like a tape worm lurking in my skin. Like an amoeba that churns in my stomach. It numbs my mind as it hardens my heart. A tiny voice inside me is telling that I just did the right thing but in reality… I fucked up!

Now here I am again, hosting another big conundrum in my life. Point blank on my direction. I hate to say that I’m only human that’s why I did such stupidity. Because as humans we can do as much and it’s not something that we are lacking up innately. Did I really intended this to happen? A dark force that pushed me to do it? Or  should I consider that there’s always no easy way out for a heart to be free. I’m lost as I can’t use my own medicine to give me some advice on how to deal with this state of affairs. This flimsiness is new to me as I’m used to be the one being hurt.

Hurting someone is like a stage I don’t want to play a part with anymore. It’s enough for me to be in this road once. I’m ready for you bad karma. I wish myself even at least a little piece of regret (and I won’t care if it will be a major one) as I would deserve it and If that time comes, I’ll be more than willing to be engulfed by it. I just jumped on the hill… and this is my turning point.

There’s a Mutant in Us!

Given a chance to be a super hero, what will you be like? Or how about a specific mutant ability that you would want to acquire? I do have a lot in my mind. Like whenever I’m stuck on a traffic jam, I always look up at the sky and wish I can fly. Even the craziest thought like being invisible to sneak on things I want to see without being noticed or having the power to control minds to make my boss give me an excellent promotion. Great power comes with great responsibility… well I’d rather say it comes with great boringness as It will be effortless if you have such power not unless there’s a villain included on the scene.

But have you ever experienced some sudden weird glitches of your saneness? Like you already thought of it before it happened? I always put my ipod into shuffle play. And sometimes, just before I press the next button, I will eventually think of a song that I want to be the next on the playlist and it will happen. Another recent example that I have is, I saw a colleague of mine in my dream and when I woke up and checked my blackberry, I just got a friend request from her on my foursquare account. Or sometimes, while you’re walking, a certain person will come up to your mind and then suddenly you will see him/her along the road just right after you had that thought about this person. Thinking that this is very weird, I’ve brought this topic up to my friends just to validate if they also sometimes have that same kind of scenario. Good thing they said yes or you can call me crazy right now! But seriously, what is this thing with our minds playing tricks on us? How can this be happening? Are we born with some psychic power that some are trying to study on how to enhance their own capabilities? I saw this reality show on one of the cable channels about some kids that were being trained to improve whatever their inner power is. The other has a third eye (ehm like me…) while the other kid has this some kind of premonition. It’s kinda surprising whenever they’re showing that what these kids have are true by some efficiency tests being done to them. But seriously, I pity them. What’s the point of doing this to minors!

Starting to ask or to brought this topic makes me sound like a crazy person but I’m sure you have your own versions of attestation about this. I guess Stan Lee and Jim Lee is trying to prove on their creation over Marvel and DC comics that there is more than meets the eye in being a human. We might really have this some kind of mutant powers in us. It’s really interesting to find out if it’s true but personally, my stand on this… I’m already fine with questions hanging on my head why things I’ve mentioned is happening randomly to me. Let the comic artists fulfill the hunger of your imagination and keep your sanity prevails among these incidents before someone concludes that you're starting to lose it...