No reason to brag this post. I will remember this day. Where my decision was intertwined between what I want for myself and/or how my life should be in a relationship. It’s really better to be hurt than to cause the pain. Guilt kills me like a parasite all over my body. Like a tape worm lurking in my skin. Like an amoeba that churns in my stomach. It numbs my mind as it hardens my heart. A tiny voice inside me is telling that I just did the right thing but in reality… I fucked up!
Now here I am again, hosting another big conundrum in my life. Point blank on my direction. I hate to say that I’m only human that’s why I did such stupidity. Because as humans we can do as much and it’s not something that we are lacking up innately. Did I really intended this to happen? A dark force that pushed me to do it? Or should I consider that there’s always no easy way out for a heart to be free. I’m lost as I can’t use my own medicine to give me some advice on how to deal with this state of affairs. This flimsiness is new to me as I’m used to be the one being hurt.
Hurting someone is like a stage I don’t want to play a part with anymore. It’s enough for me to be in this road once. I’m ready for you bad karma. I wish myself even at least a little piece of regret (and I won’t care if it will be a major one) as I would deserve it and If that time comes, I’ll be more than willing to be engulfed by it. I just jumped on the hill… and this is my turning point.
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