New Year’s Resurrection

Farewell 2011... It’s so ironic if you’re going to look back how time flies so fast during this year but quite a lot of good and bad memories along the way. One of the best way to welcome 2012 is to assess ourselves on what are the things we have achieved, the ones we would want to continue to do on the next year and the things we want to burry along with 2011. And it’s high time for us to have a conclusion which a lot of people are fond of doing but not everyone can achieve... making a list of new year’s resolution.

These resolutions are the ones we have come up with based on the not so good things that we’ve done or experienced during the previous year. It may also be something that you would want for a change. And by change, it’s really not necessary if it’s for your own improvement. Sometimes, the reason why you want this change is to just eliminate the boringness that’s lurking in our lives... something new. But whatever your resolution may be, let’s always be responsible for all the risk that we would take along the process.

Not all New Year’s Resolution should always be something new. As people grew older, a lot of things were being absorbed and embodied by oneself. These are the subconcious things or traits that we are getting but we rarely noticed. The only way we will discover this is when we meet an old friend, or a relative whom we haven’t seen for quite a while who will tell us how we used to be back then.  Once these box of our old qualities were re-opened, that’s the time that we will realize and compare how we are now and before. Questions like “Am I better now that I know and I’ve been though a lot or back when I was  naive?” or “Was I really like that back then?”... etc... These are the thoughts that we shouldn’t get confuse and rather take it as an additional option or an add on to our resolutions.

Sometimes, re-rooting ourselves on this good old traits are the best resolution that we will have as it will be easier for us to do it since we were once like what we’re aiming to achieve. And I call it new year’s resurrection, as we’ll try to revive or bring back what we once have within us. Once we’re tired to find answers... always go back from the start. Happy 2012!

The Other Side of You

Like what Kelly Clarkson says on her song Dark Side, everybody’s got one. Either we know what it is or worse is that it will just suddenly explode inside you like a stealth bomb. Others might just undergo a phase where they will enter into a battlefield inside them to either deal with it or understand what caused it. While some has it innately like as if, they’re dark side has been playing some roles on their everyday living and it might not be difficult for them to handle it as it may become a daily routine for them to unleash it. But on the contrary, it might not be as evil as it seem because they do find ways not to suppress their dark side.  Either way, I just can’t measure which one is the lesser evil between the sudden surge of darkness inside you and darkness, as part of your oxygen. I guess none….

My personal definition of the dark side is something you never thought you could do… cheating, lying, hurting someone you love… Things that after you’ve done, here comes your conscience speeding up like a police car chasing you. Well if you didn’t hear any siren from your conscience after doing such things… then I guess you’ve already been devoured by the dark force within you… TSK! TSK! TSK! OKKK kidding aside! Normally these are the things you would want to try and being tempted to attempt even though you do know the damage it would cause you or might affect the people around you. We all have this in us which varies from different wave lengths per individuals. The urge to commit mistakes. And currently, I’m also having my own battle on this and was blessed with few people who still understands me despite of all the stupid things I’m doing…

If you’re or you’ll be in this kind of state, make sure not to keep on hurting the people who genuinely loves you. If you need to push them away in order not to impair them with what you’re dealing with yourself, do so. Consider them as your light that will save you from this sinister you’ve been going through. This too shall pass. I just hope it’s not too late for me…

Saving Someone’s Arse

Not all people who can give good advises are good practitioners of what they’re preaching. Mostly, when they’re the one being on the situation, they tend to forget what they’ve been advising to help others. I guess it’s really normal because when we’re giving some advises, it’s our mind that we’re using to produce a good fact and some pointers that can be an aid to someone who needs it. And it’s different when we’re the one who’re caught in trouble as it’s our heart who initially receives the damage which might caught off-guard our mind to assist our poor heart.

I surprise myself most of the time whenever I’m giving some words of wisdom to my friends who’re in serious trouble. Like as if I wasn’t expecting that it really came out of my mouth. Nevertheless I’m quite happy that they do trust me and it really touches me when they’re treating me as their 911 whenever they’re in pain (but not financial problem OK?!) or the yellow gay-like cartoon character, Spongebob when they need someone who will absorb and listen to their angst.

But on a serious note, saving someone’s ass doesn’t mean you have to do what this person wanted to hear or to happen. And sugar coating isn’t always the best way for them to realize a long term solution to their problem. We have to let them feel how bad the reality is for them to realize what they need or what they’ve been missing in their life. And if ever, we have to be selfless and exclude what we personally feel in order to make their lives better. Be ready to submit yourself and play the part of being an antagonist if it will mean that this person will be a hero that will succeed on his dream in the future. And I call this… sacrifice.

Helping someone rise from their grave is one of the surreal feeling you will get that no money can ever buy. No need to ask something in return for as long as you see that this person you once helped is now in a better position. By helping someone, I began to realize that I’m also helping myself to know who I really am and what I’m capable of. And I guess this is the priceless gift I can give to my love ones this holiday season.

Sigh...lent

With all the issues banging your head, sometimes being silent says it all.  This is how most people can get out of their problems just like the corrupt politicians or some rumors and gossips of the celebs from the showbiz world. Just let time incinerate and turned it into dust. Because before you know it, they’re already focusing themselves on a different talk of the town.

Being silent in an aftermath is misleading. But seriously, we shouldn’t give a damn on people’s judgment. Especially the ones who doesn’t really know who we are. Very few can really understand why an individual chose to be quiet rather than exploiting the details of what really happened. Most people can already plot that it’s because your guilty of doing something that caused the damage. But you know sometimes, it can be true. People stayed quiet out of guilt. But some chose to be mute for they might be tired to defend themselves. Or maybe they just don’t want to argue or worse is that they’ve already ran out of words to argue. Or simply, they just don’t want to feel like living in a showbiz life sitting on  a hot seat and being grilled by people who is either really concerned about your situation or just tempted to gather the facts that they can get to forward to Gossip Girl. If you asked a person and he didn’t answer, it’s not because this person doesn’t trust you. Nor is not interested in sharing it with you. He might just rather be dealing his sentiments on his own. And if in case this individual still insisted, believe me, he/she is just after the gossip. A true friend will always say they understand despite of the silent treatment.

When you’re too tired to speak, it’s ok to just shut your mouth. Because sometimes, the more we talk, the more we commit mistakes. And most of the time, being uncommunicative can calm the fire and might give you a fresh start. We have to learn how to respect whoever it is in a wordless state because we really don’t have a clue how it might be noisy it is inside them that they’re currently dealing with.

I Fucked Up

No reason to brag this post. I will remember this day. Where my decision was intertwined between what I want for myself and/or how my life should be in a relationship. It’s really better to be hurt than to cause the pain. Guilt kills me like a parasite all over my body. Like a tape worm lurking in my skin. Like an amoeba that churns in my stomach. It numbs my mind as it hardens my heart. A tiny voice inside me is telling that I just did the right thing but in reality… I fucked up!

Now here I am again, hosting another big conundrum in my life. Point blank on my direction. I hate to say that I’m only human that’s why I did such stupidity. Because as humans we can do as much and it’s not something that we are lacking up innately. Did I really intended this to happen? A dark force that pushed me to do it? Or  should I consider that there’s always no easy way out for a heart to be free. I’m lost as I can’t use my own medicine to give me some advice on how to deal with this state of affairs. This flimsiness is new to me as I’m used to be the one being hurt.

Hurting someone is like a stage I don’t want to play a part with anymore. It’s enough for me to be in this road once. I’m ready for you bad karma. I wish myself even at least a little piece of regret (and I won’t care if it will be a major one) as I would deserve it and If that time comes, I’ll be more than willing to be engulfed by it. I just jumped on the hill… and this is my turning point.

There’s a Mutant in Us!

Given a chance to be a super hero, what will you be like? Or how about a specific mutant ability that you would want to acquire? I do have a lot in my mind. Like whenever I’m stuck on a traffic jam, I always look up at the sky and wish I can fly. Even the craziest thought like being invisible to sneak on things I want to see without being noticed or having the power to control minds to make my boss give me an excellent promotion. Great power comes with great responsibility… well I’d rather say it comes with great boringness as It will be effortless if you have such power not unless there’s a villain included on the scene.

But have you ever experienced some sudden weird glitches of your saneness? Like you already thought of it before it happened? I always put my ipod into shuffle play. And sometimes, just before I press the next button, I will eventually think of a song that I want to be the next on the playlist and it will happen. Another recent example that I have is, I saw a colleague of mine in my dream and when I woke up and checked my blackberry, I just got a friend request from her on my foursquare account. Or sometimes, while you’re walking, a certain person will come up to your mind and then suddenly you will see him/her along the road just right after you had that thought about this person. Thinking that this is very weird, I’ve brought this topic up to my friends just to validate if they also sometimes have that same kind of scenario. Good thing they said yes or you can call me crazy right now! But seriously, what is this thing with our minds playing tricks on us? How can this be happening? Are we born with some psychic power that some are trying to study on how to enhance their own capabilities? I saw this reality show on one of the cable channels about some kids that were being trained to improve whatever their inner power is. The other has a third eye (ehm like me…) while the other kid has this some kind of premonition. It’s kinda surprising whenever they’re showing that what these kids have are true by some efficiency tests being done to them. But seriously, I pity them. What’s the point of doing this to minors!

Starting to ask or to brought this topic makes me sound like a crazy person but I’m sure you have your own versions of attestation about this. I guess Stan Lee and Jim Lee is trying to prove on their creation over Marvel and DC comics that there is more than meets the eye in being a human. We might really have this some kind of mutant powers in us. It’s really interesting to find out if it’s true but personally, my stand on this… I’m already fine with questions hanging on my head why things I’ve mentioned is happening randomly to me. Let the comic artists fulfill the hunger of your imagination and keep your sanity prevails among these incidents before someone concludes that you're starting to lose it...

Turning Point

Ever get tired of having a plateau-like kind of life? Or probably having a thought of doing something you might call extra ordinary? Every individual will come up to this point where they will have this anxious feeling of wanting to turn on their switch called “change”. Does this mean that people can never be satisfied nor contented? I really guess not. This is just a turning point. A decision making that you want for your life as a verification that you are alive. A human who can endure change and not just some kind of a machine who will just go with the flow.

I hate Julia Robert’s Eat, Pray, Love movie… (oh now you can hate me). At first, I kinda thought, is it really necessary for her to do such thing? I mean left her husband out of his misery just because there’s a sudden gush of realization that she doesn’t love him anymore without giving him the chance to work things out? Quitting her job without doing some assessment to herself on how can she make things more interesting at her work by venturing or looking up some internal transition and other kinds of job inside her company? Does she really have to spent too much money to go to Italy just to eat the country’s fine cuisine? I really don’t get it. Maybe because at that time when I was watching it, I don’t understand this so called turning point. The all of a sudden outburst of wanting to go opposite on the usual current flow of your living.

This is not me talking about being a rebel on what I currently have but just a mere analysis of the fact that there will come a time that one day we will wake up and will have this feeling of wanting to jump on a cliff. Our company priest was a certified public accountant and was earning a lot of moolas before he had his calling. There’s this white guy who’s now a tiger tamer in Thailand who used to be in a corporate industry but suddenly got tired of his lifestyle and became a back packer before he got the job of serving the felines. Even Pocahontas who is considered to be a princess on their tribe chose to be in a foreign distant land over the smoothest curve as steady as the beating drum called contentment on her homeland. These samples have opened my mind that Julia’s character is not fictional. That one day I will have my time of standing on a ravine and decide whether I jump or not.

This sudden change may caught you off-guard. It may also ruined your current placid situation. But as they say, change is inevitable. Sooner or later you will have this urge that you have to do something out of the box for yourself. When this time comes, think it over before ejecting yourself to something you might regret in the end.

Tranquility State

Currently I’m at my 0% stress level and 0 degree of my boiling point. Staying 6 days on an island with enough money and time to relax, let’s see if I can fill this stress pad…

As a regular working ant in a corporate world, we are entitled to have 15 days of vacation and 15 days of sick leaves in a whole year. So that’s roughly 4 weeks out of almost 365 days that we’re working. Do you think that’s fair enough in terms of work-life balance? Well if you’ve gradually accepted that you are a slave for money, then basically you don’t mind. If we’re talking about a career path, then having this kind of mindset will or might take you into a higher position. But how far can you go? Are you ready to face rejections and frustrations along the way?

Normally, a young employee wouldn’t mind as they’re well equipped with fresh ideas and an integrated operating system. But try to look at the big picture of your life and ask yourself, until when will I become like this? I do have high respect for people who’re focused in earning a lot of dough and with what they want with their career but I bend myself more in appreciating people who care more about their health and what life can offer aside from getting a good salary and an elite status with their work.  

At my age right now, I’m already starting to have this realization asking myself until when can I inhale stress caused by my work? I may be the worst person in terms of saving money. But for what life can give me, I’ll be more adamant with my decision to do so. I just want to have enough savings to start a business that will sustain my living. Well who doesn’t want an easy life anyway!  I just want enough and not to be a millionaire. Oh yes money and a good career can give you everything… a big house, a luxurious car etc. But it can also offer even the worst disease and body complications if you grasp too much for it. Money can prolong your life, but it won’t save you from sickness such as cancer and the likes which probably caused by wanting too much money as well.

Getting a good career doesn’t mean you will earn a better place in heaven or wherever you will be in your after-life. Money is not the root of all evil but investing love for it is one of the major transgressions of our holy law. We have our life here not to work, but to live. To my co-employees out there, spend your VLs wisely!

   

One Day

What would you do if you’ll only have a day left to live?

My first thought would be, to waste all my time with my love one. Just like a normal weekend day bonding with my partner. Prolly watch all the series and anime that were lined up. Or have a double movie date at my favorite mall. I would want it as normal as possible so that it won’t mark a stain on my other half as a bad memory that he will agonize for years. On that last day, I want to care less about myself. I realized that lately I have this little hate with myself being a narcissist. I will prolly wear the lousiest clothes and the most sickening color combination ever! Most people might want to be at their best if it will be their last day on earth. I don’t get the effort of doing that as sooner or later you’re precious body will rot without you even knowing it. I think I will request for an all day Thai food on that day. That’s one thing I’m gonna miss so bad when I’m gone. I would also like to organize a costume party with my closest friends in lieu of celebrating or welcoming my after life! Another thing I would want to do is to play all the games I want up to my last breath. Playing DotA with my last day of living could give me so much drive to win it! Dying victoriously! But come to think of it, I’ve said so many ideas that surely won’t fit in a day! So why think of your dying day then?! I just ruined my thought! Haha!

Try asking yourself the same thing and I’m sure you’ll beat my wish list. Why wait for the last day before doing such things? We have to live like we’re dying. That’s the only time we can cure all the negative vibes and most specially my number one enemy a.k.a. STRESS. What I always say to myself when I’m already drowned with work is that… Work is undying, unlike your body that has a limit. I do admit that I’m also human who gets grumpy and rowdy when the boiling point is up. But whenever I’m losing track of my serenity, I always think that what if this is the last day that I’ll live? Ofcourse I don’t want to die and people will think that it’s all because of stress and all the bad aura around me! Always think like it’s as if you only got one shot so that you can go back to your rhythm.

Live with no regrets. No one really knows when the last page of our book will come. It doesn’t matter if you’re the richest arse or the healthiest buff who’s treating gym as an extension of his own living room.  Once the switch button of your life was turned off then that’s it!

Wasted Emotions

It’s much easier to save money than to save your emotions. Sometimes, we just have to learn how to ignore and to deflect bad vibes that will affect ourselves. Study shows that emotions can affect our health thru our endocrine glands: Pituitary, Thyroid, Thymus, Pancreas, Gonads, Adrenals and the Pineal. Now don’t think I got this information by hanging out in Dexter’s Laboratory. I just read them on the net and honestly, I really don’t know where the hell they are located inside my body! But checking what could cause if these things are tapped with bad emotion is quite a good read.

Pituitary: Emotions that affect the pituitary include inadequacy and feeling out of control. Where the pituitary is involved, feelings often dominate over logic. - So who doesn’t want to be in control? Well sometimes I do but I always make sure that I keep my other hand still holding into my senses. In order to save this Pituitary shit, always remember… Mind over matter. And don’t take too much drugs! Be responsible!

Thyroid: Certain negative emotions, if felt long enough may adversely affect the thyroids. Feelings of humiliation, stifled feelings, overwhelmed, overstressed, victimized and powerlessness are some negative emotions. An underactive thyroid gland may produce: irritability, depression, mood swings, low self-esteem, crying easily and the dislike to work under pressure. – Okkk, being well said, don’t torture yourself too much. It’s ok to feel the agony and sadness in order to realize that you’re still human and you can still feel pain but drowning yourself too much on it could mess your thyroid!

Thymus: Some emotions if felt deeply and long enough can affect the thymus. These emotions include: not feeling safe, feeling attacked by life or the fear of others “out to get you”. – This is quite simple… Don’t watch horror movies or slasher films if you can’t handle it! You don’t want your thymus to suffer with your cowardness right?!

Pancreas: Feelings of rejection, anger and frustration may affect the pancreas. – Find a way on how you can easily move on! You might want to read my post “Heartbreak’s a Teacher” to give you some tips about it (*wink*).

Gonads: Not feeling safe to be a woman or a man or not accepting one's femininity or masculinity can affect the sex glands (testis and ovaries). Extreme negative emotions about one's sexuality can cause impotence or frigidity. – Oh well, maybe it’s time for you to stop being curious or confuse with your sexuality. Good thing I saved my disco stick’s steadfastness by admitting my sexuality at an early age and identifying what I really want! LOL! And whatever/wherever this gonads are, this will be the last thing in my body that I would really mess with!

Adrenals: Mind and body are interrelated and interdependent. Certain emotional states affect the production of adrenal glands. Anxiety, fear and anger stimulate the adrenal glands to secrete hormones (especially epinephrine, norepinephrine and the glucocorticoids). The “adrenaline flow” is the body's natural response to an emergency situation. Overactive adrenal glands may produce: aggressive behavior, intense feelings and the strong dislike of being crossed. An underactive adrenal gland may produce: depression, nervousness, negativity, strong preference for being alone, inferior complex or avoidance of complaints or discomforts. – Overactive and underactive adrenal glands are quite hard to balance and this is the most common among all the endocrine glands that people always trigger. Don’t be paranoid. Stop being a pessimist. Get a good massage. What I normally do to maintain this balance is to regularly go to gym to excrete the bad toxins and drink tea to increase “inner zen” (what a term!).

Pineal: This small gland produces melatonin, a hormone that affects wake and sleep patterns. – This is one of my body problems. I’m having a hard time to sleep most of the time. Specially during weekdays. I think I have a separation anxiety with my work issues. I can’t leave the stress dealt by my work behind the gates of my office! I’m not sure if I can give some good tips on this but normally if worse comes to worst, it will leave me no choice but to take a sleeping pill or my antihistamine to make me sleepy. Maybe on this you might have some piece of advice for me?

I don’t know who discovered these glands all over our body but good thing he/she does! Abusing or not being aware of these could take our health at risk. This is also the prime suspect why people are building up some cancer cells in their body. And just a piece of advice, try to think first before you feel. If you think it will just be a waste of emotion which could damage these endocrine glands, then better to just brush it off. People might judge you of being insensitive because of this, but who cares! Seriously, which is more important? Your health, or your reputation?

Dear Ole Chum

Dear Diary,

Hey how have you been? I just want to know when was the last time a person last wrote a letter to you. Lately, people are being very vocal on what they feel to the extent that they can divulge their own secrets, thoughts and whereabouts which sometimes should be kept hidden. You can’t blame us. With the help of Facebook and Twitter or this blog site, we are more tempted to say whatever we want to say regardless of the risk it would take.

Do you miss getting some messages? What would you reply if ever you get the chance to?

I kinda missed writing to you tho. You’re the best excuse that a person can have. Writing to you won’t mean that an individual is crazy or autistic.  But instead, we just need you to keep our hugger-muggers. Well yeah as you know, people can’t really keep secrets. Friends might but for sure there’s a certain limit or an expiration for it. Unlike friends, we might not be able to get some good advices from you, but sometimes, we don’t require it and we just need someone or something that we can vent it out with.

Do you remember the first letter I wrote to you back when I was a kid? I introduced to you my first crush at school and it took me 3 pages just to say how much I like this person. I know I’m being careless for not hiding you in a safe place that’s why  my cousins found out about our private conversations. It was very embarrassing which caused me to stop writing to you… and I’m so sorry about that.

Anyhow, I would like to take this chance to thank you. For the un-easy feelings that were eased after writing to you. For archiving my precious memories.  And for being a sponge in my dirty kitchen “life”. I don’t know who invented you or where you came from, but give my gratitude to him/her if ever you’ll get the chance to. And I might not be able to write you more often, but I know it’s you I’m having a chat with in my mind whenever I’m assessing myself.

Your Ole Chum,

ME

Who The HELL!!!

Okkk... so far these are the known individuals who are using my pic/s on their profile...

Way to go MJ! Seems like you've gathered more friends than I have on my personal FB account using that pouty pic of mine huh!

And look at Stephen... wow I never thought I was a Blue Eagle... go Ateneo! Seems kinda new with only 19 friends on his list. Thanks to my friends who're concern of letting me know about this Rookie in being a poser!



And lastly, this... this is the one I can really not take! First, seriously? On this gay website?! Second, he really posted the evolution of me on his profile pictures! Lastly, what a big m'fer using a nick like that... PNOYBIGBIRD?!?! Whoever this one is, he really knows me as he knows some people who are connected to me like some close friends/ ex-officemates... again, it's hard to get over that stupid name...LOL!

I really don't know what they're getting from this. I bet these are the people who will use my pics and will try to ask other people on the net for a meet up but got no guts to show themselves ending up tricking the other party on a one-way eye ball! It's really ironic how I'm trying to maintain my secrecy on this blog site by just putting Plue, my favorite anime dog (yes he's a dog) on my profile pic while others are doing their own activity on the net by putting my pictures on their pages.

Having a poser could be somehow flattering at first knowing that someone has chosen your pics for their own monkey business. But these posers can also get you into serious trouble! As much as I want to report them, I can't see the fact that they will disappear after doing that. So goodluck to my posers! Karma's a bitch, digital and airborne!

LDR

Long distance relationship or some call it LDR. There are a lot for people who would settle for this kind of thing rather than being in a real thing.

The typical or rather practical “Filipina/Filipino” will enter in this kind of setup para maka-ahon sa hirap! Maraming foreigners or “Afams” naman jan na magiging solution sa poverty. Exotica Filipina… that’s the term me and my friends always use whenever we’re seeing a native and a foreign couple walking together on a street. Not that we’re mocking them but rather we’re happy na tuluy tuloy ang pagpasok ng dolyares sa Pinas na nakakasagip ng ating tourism! Ok kidding aside… whatever the needs of both parties why they end up together, it’s really none of our business! My dad met my Chinese-Filipina step mom through this long distance love affair. Dad’s in Manila and step mom is in Virginia. They stayed in LDR for roughly 3-4 years they’ve been Skype-ing  before they end up getting married. Now they’re together and I’m happy for them specially for my Dad. And because of this, I realized na may maganda rin palang kinakahinatnan sa ganitong setup.

Normally this kind of relationship occurs if you’re the type of person who almost spend your whole life in the cyber world. You don’t mind the molds and mildew or any type of fungi growing on your back bones or in your ass for as long as you’re online and connected! Some people meet their cyber bfs or gfs thru online gaming. Most are from different kinds of online dating websites. I used to be a victim of this kind of addiction. And yes, I met someone before! We caught each other’s interest regardless of our color and it doesn’t matter if this person lives on the other side of the world. And we consider ourselves as “us” for 2 years… It was fun but I guess I grew tired of sitting in front of my computer and wanted the real thing.

On the other hand. Some people can settle for this kind of setup because they might got tired of doing the real thing. Prolly ilang beses na nasaktan, kasi pwedeng isipin na it will be less painful and less responsibility kapag LDR. When in fact it’s the exact opposite. Pano pag namimiss mo may kayakap?  Or gusto mong may maka date? Mas prone din ito sa lahat ng temptations. Dito na rin masusukat ang trust  ninyo. It would be much better kung before eh magkasama kayo and one of you needs to go away lang talaga kasi kahit papaano malaki na ang “trust fund” as compare to starting it ng malayo kayo sa isa’t isa but then again, much better but it doesn’t mean na it’s much easier! Yung iba naman, kaya gusto ng LDR is because they want something different. Something unique! Because maybe this is their way of doing the so called “spark checking”. But the question is, how long can you sustain that spark in a long distance relationship?

People loves to complicate their lives sometimes. Maybe it’s because they want to prove something for themselves… And I seriously respect that!

I Hate My Mother

I need to repost this one which I just got from someone in Facebook...

I'm really not sure if this is based on a true story but I can't help but to cry after reading this... How can someome be so cold hearted with their mother... Seriously, I'd do anything just to bring my mother back to life!

It's been more than a decade now since she left us but I still can't get over the nostalgic zone I'm into whenever I think of her. I can be a cruel person with an adamant heart and my mom will be like a kryptonite that can make me weak in that state. She can also be my Scooby's Snacks whenever I feel so low and losing my will to fight. Whenever I make my friends laugh so hard with my humor, I always smile and say to myself that "Mom, this is your humor that everyone is buying!".

Treasure every moment with your mom. No matter how strict they are, or how insensitive you think they can be. Always remember, mother knows best! And they deserve all the love and respect from us regardless of the circumstances that we have with them. Like what Craig David says on one of his songs... You don't miss the water, till the well runs dry...

Familiar Stranger

Have you ever wonder why  there are some strangers that you keep on seeing anywhere? You don’t know them, they don’t know you. Gradually a perfect stranger! I always have that kind of encounters to the extent that I can still recall when was the last time I saw them. I dunno, I just find it quite a bit weird. This is different from a stalker because this is unintentional meet up.  Like no one ever planned for it. One example I had is this girl that I used to see back when I was living in Greenhills area. She used to be my gym mate, like we always have the same schedule going at the same gym. Then I also saw her at the Resorts World Casino and Republiq before. Saw her in some malls a couple of times too. Going to Bangkok last June, I also saw her with her gang at the airport and we’re at the same flight. Going back to Manila, I saw her again going home as well! And just this morning going to work, to my surprise I saw her again inside the public train. We never attempt to talked to each other. Well anyway what’s there to talk about but I can see to her face that I’m something familiar to her already… a familiar stranger… For the record, I wasn’t attracted to her. Well, maybe she is to me, Haha kidding!

I’m trying to analyze what this is all about. Is fate trying to link you with this person for a specific purpose? Or are you somewhat related to them in your previous life? Is he or she a reincarnation of someone you’ve lost? Of all the people around this over populated, over polluted country, why do you always see this familiar stranger? So many questions to figure out the answer. If only I’m the mushy type of guy, I would say that maybe this person is destined to be my partner… but hell no! I know myself… and my preference! Haha! And besides, she’s not the only individual that I kept on seeing around the metro. There’s this lady whom I think was a teacher that reminds me of my mom. A Chinese guy who looks like a business man whom I think is already married but I always see him with different kind of girls. An old woman that always makes me realize I should really pay a visit to my grandparents but up to now I still haven’t (tsk tsk oh shit!)… etc.

Whatever their purpose might be, it can really made a piece of my day seeing them saying to myself that “Hey, it’s you again!”. Maybe it’s unnecessary for us to say hi and build a conversation with these strangers. And maybe, just maybe, they are just there to make us realize what we might be forgetting along the way…

Best Laid Plans

Planning is something we do to set our goal… which is good. Let’s just make sure to always have a back-up plan whenever we do it. As we all know, not all plans can achieve its objective.  And normally failing is something harder to accept if we’ve planned for it. The longer we strategies the bigger our expectation is. But sometimes, people can survive in some circumstances even without blue printing all the actions they’ve taken. It is because not all things should be over analyzed and we just have to go with the flow. Life is like a poker. Just when you thought that you’re already winning having a full house in your hand, you all-in your money and then here comes the royal flush getting all the chips you’ve got. Meaning, no matter how you feel that everything’s under control, there’s always a probability that it can all go wrong even if it’s all in the plan. What I’m just trying to point here is that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, we should just learn how to accept it.

I believe in fate as much as I believe in destiny. And sometimes, planning can contradict these entities. I’m not saying that it’s not a good idea to plan things but there are times that we can just let fate play its part. Que sera sera! What will be, will be. The first time I heard my grandma singing this song, it really made an impact to me saying that my old lady is right. Because the moment she sang that is the time I failed my exam at school!  Funny but it really uplifted my spirit and self esteem. In terms of planning, yes of course I thoroughly reviewed my subjects but then again, who knows how the exam will be like? Whenever we’re in a relationship, we love the feeling of planning for the future with our partner but these plans can be an amo to his or your  gun when something goes wrong along the way. Again, let fate decide where it will take you. If ever you didn’t get the promotion at work that you’ve been expecting, then maybe it’s really not meant for you, or maybe it’s not yet time for you to get it. There’s always a right time for everything. As they say, when a door closes a window opens.

Even the best laid plans can fall apart which can lead you being despondent and frustrated. In every failure that we encounter, always think that it’s not yet the end of the world! Don’t blame anyone out of it. Sometimes, we just have to understand why the heavens above is making your life like a living hell. Who knows, He might have a better plan for you ahead…

Heartbreak's a Teacher

Ironically, you can only learn best from the hardest way. There's no easy battle with the matters of the heart. The heart was originally born gullible, immature and soft. You need to put some work out to hardened it skin, a brain of its own and some calloused to its fingers. Therefore, it’s just natural for it to get hurt. Even the most sacred heart of our Lord Jesus felt this agony from us. Hence, people tend to fulfill this thread thing cycle of hurt and be hurt… intentionally or not. It may sound so dark of me to say such lines. But welcoming this heartaches can be considered as a solitary gift that a person can give you. Based on my actual experiences, I have learned ways on how to dissect each portion of a heartache so that we can digest it and considered it as a best learning experience.

The freshly renowned single stage. This is where the ABC of your heartbreak starts. The most crucial and sensitive part that will also introduce you to natural diet and insomnia. A phase where some of your primary senses are malfunctioning that you’re too blind to see the truth and too deaf to hear your friends opinion. But you know what? It’s ok to go and take all this pain of realizing that you no longer have the one whom you have considered as your other half. Watch a lot of drama series and listen to James Blunt or Adele to imbibe the pain and cry all you want. What I usually do while I’m at this stage is to be alone, keep the pain inside me and look at a calendar, encircling a certain date in my mind where I will put an expiration to this dolefulness. So before that date comes, I’ll cherish all this sadness. When the deadline arrives, then it’s time to heal yourself.

The healing period is like a fork road of options. Setting your goal on how you would want a resolve on this heartbreak. Should you hate him? Would you still want to make friends with this person? Or can you totally ignore him. Either way, you are entitled to choose any. Consider this as a reward after all you’ve been through. This is the time where you should let your senses get into action. Get all your resources. Call all your friends, your parents or even your pet to comfort you and say what’s on your mind. No need to think thoroughly on what you will say to them cause for sure they’re much more willing to hear everything. This is the right moment to put yourself into a hot seat. Go to a spa. A make-over. And again, set a date on until when are you going to pamper yourself. Yes it is important in doing that as you don’t want to get stuck in this cycle without reaching the moving on period. Besides, pampering yourself too much will just make people you know think how sad you are. The longer the healing stage, the harder it will look that you can’t recover. So better yet mark a deadline.

Moving on doesn’t mean you totally forget everything. This is the stage where you have to assess yourself and the right time to think what just happened along the way and what you could’ve done to make it not right but not blaming yourself on what happened. Always remember that this is a cycle. A cycle that will never stop until you meet the right one for you. And you will never know who that might be if you won’t let yourself be into this course. This is the last part where you will harvest the sweet fruit out of your sorrow and sooner or later, plant that seed from the fruit and return to the relationship cycle.

A lot of people may see this as a very tiring methodology but once this seed from your previous heartbreak grows, that’s the only time you’ll realize what this bad experience have made you into. I can’t guarantee that it will make you stronger, but definitely it will teach you how to be wiser. And of course, a better relationship next in line!

Think Again

Work’s been stressful for me this past few weeks. A lot of issues can’t be solved and before you know it, may panibago nanamang problema. I’m also consistent incurring 50 to 60 hours of OT per month. So that’s almost doing a 12 hour shift everyday! But lately I’ve realized, maswerte pa rin ako because most of the problems I’m dealing are just work related.

I think it’s already innate to people to think more of the problems rather than the good things in life. We are more channeled on things that can or might ruin our mood. If you think my statement is wrong, think again! Paminsan kahit di naman ganun kabigat yung problem natin, we always over react on it. May time pa na natapos na yung problema pero uulit ulitin mo pa sa kaibigan mo just to vent it out. Simpleng nasagi ka lang ng katabi mo on a rush hour sisimangot ka na. I also know some people who keeps on cursing while driving. These are samples of little things I consider as self induced problems. Have we asked ourselves why we are like this?

Problem is like an oxygen. Or consider it as a bad fume of gas that whenever we inhale some, it changes our current state.  We are tend to have problems. But whatever our problem is, always think that there are some people who are experiencing worse than you. No matter how you consider yourself in a conundrum situation, religiously speaking, hindi naman ibibigay yan sayo ni Lord kung hindi mo kayang i-handle.

If you’re having a problem about your career, why not think na atleast you have a work. Maraming tao ngayon ang nahihirapan kumuha ng matinong trabaho. Having financial problem? Pera lang yan madaling kitain! Iniwan ka ng BF mo? Marami pa dyang mas worth it!  Before we dwell too much thinking of such problems, it’s much better to provide these simple alibis to deflect them. Isipin mo na lang yung mga taong wala na talagang makain at matirahan na nasa kalsada. Or yung matandang babae na namamalimos. Yung batang nakahubad na natutulog sa hagdan ng LRT. Heartbreaking to see but these are the things that will remind you na kahit papaano eh maswerte ka pa rin. And I’ll bet my neck na sobrang walang sinabi yung problema mo compare sa kanila! So if you think that you’re experiencing the worst… Think again!

We should embrace every problem that will come to our lives. These are not being handed over to us just to ruin our lives but to give us something that we can learn from it.  So face it not with fear, but with fierce!

Level Up!

Experiences are like seeds. You rip what you saw. Parang farmville lang yan na you can't just get it in an instant. And it depends on how you'll harvest it. It can be a fruitful one, ripened. You get what you've expected. But since we're not living in a perfect world, most of these experiences, despite of the nourish you made, pwedeng mauwi sa hindi maganda. Kaya nga we have this term called "charge it to experience".  I can also best describe on how these experiences can be gained is like playing a role playing game on your computer like different online games. Just like DotA which I've been playing for roughly 8 years now! (Sabi ko na nga ba may magandang naidudulot ang pagiging addict sa DotA!) In this kind of game, you have to gain XP, which is a short term for experience for you to earn new abilities or powers to strengthen your character. You have to fight different monsters or undergo a lot of missions and lose a lot of HP (which is a short term for health points btw) just to earn it. If we're going to translate this kind of structure in our everyday living, wala kang mabibiling XP sa 711 or sa kahit anong convenient store! And I can attest that it really comes with the age of a person just to earn it.

Nowadays, a lot of young kids are claiming that they know a lot. That they're already matured. Well, I will give this kind of credit to them because I used to be like that. Thinking like a smarty pants in a relationship. Or on how to deal with different obstacles in life. But little they know that XP is a major factor of maturity. We can't claim that we're matured just because we've read a lot of Chicken Soup for the whatsoever Soul. Or watched Carrie Bradshaw outgrew the television and moved to the big screen with her friends. Or even by learning a different term browsing Merriam Webster's thesaurus section. You have to put out some of your HP for it, meaning you have to invest your life span of experience to claim maturity.

One thing I have learned in order to have a better experience in life is, always keep your options open. Never close your mind. Listening to elders is not the best suggestion but it can always be an option. Marami na rin kasi ngayon ang tumatandang parang walang pinagkatandaan. But then again, good experience doesn't always play the role of a good professor in teaching you how to be matured. Most of the time mas natututo talaga ang tao dahil sa mga bad experiences nya. Yung mga tipong almost traumatic! It may sound like I'm a masochist, but that's how I've learned a lot. Yung nasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko na pucha ayoko ng mangyari sakin to. Good XPs are very pleasing to remember but the bad ones are the key to make you stronger and tougher. Na everytime na ma eencounter mo ulit yung ganung scenario, alam mo na more or less kung anong gagawin mo. There's no guarantee that it won't hurt you anymore, but atleast you already know how to get out of it. Just make sure lang na wag mo paabutin sa balat mo ang pagiging stronger and tougher because of the bad encounters or it may lead you being insensitive.

Maturity is a very global term in so many different aspects of life. Just make sure that you're always packed with enough XP to earn it. A lot of failures may be encountered. But always remember, some battles are not meant for us to win. Keep in mind that acceptance and learning how to give up is a sign of maturity. And whatever it takes, always make sure that your HPs are not being spent for no well XPs gained. Siguraduhin mo na nag lelevel-up ka sa mga ginagawa mo sa buhay mo at hindi ka tumatandang paurong.

Blame it on the Weatherman

The Rain goes on and on and on again... I alway remember this song by B*Witched everytime we're experiencing heavy rainfall, a storm, a typhoon. But no matter how strong and how disastrous it can be, I'd still choose it over a hot and humid weather. Rain can bring you mixed emotions... old memories.... good or bad, it brings back everything.

The first thing I can remember whenever it's raining is back when I was a kid. My parents would want me to take a shower under the rain believing that it can help my hair grow faster. Kinalbo kasi ako nung bata ako. And during those times. Kapag kalbo ka hindi hot sa paningin. The Initial impression is because pangit yung hair mo. But mine wasn't. Namali lang yung baklang nag gupit sakin ng pagkaka intindi ng "clean cut". LOL.
Another thing that I can remember is back in college. Kapag umulan na kinakabahan na ko on what I should do to protect all my worksheet so I'd risk everything para di mabasa lahat ng accounting papers ko. 

Rain can also symbolyze a lot of romantic things. Like when you're having a date, tapos biglang umulan then nakasilong kayo sa iisang payong while going to your destination. It's simple but somehow, I find it sweet. Or just like in a romantic film.... running holding hands under the rain... di ko pa nagagawa yun pero you can see how the rain can add an amorous surrounding on the scene. And the best for me is, making love under the pouring rain.... now don't take it literally ofcourse nasa loob ng bahay doing it while it's raining....

There is also the memories of heartaches during this kind of weather. The time you're talking with your ex on the phone and he suddenly said that he doesn't love you anymore at isinabay mo naman yung luha mo sa pagbuhos ng ulan. Or the time you caught your partner cheating on you on a rainy night. A rain on a funeral can also be heartcrashing...

But ofcourse, the so called love cycle will not be completed if there's no "Moving On" part. The glorious day! The day that you can say to yourself na pagkatapos ng ulan, I'm already over you. Or the moment where you let the rain clensed all your sorrow and pain. And you wish na sana malunod na sya sa flood.... kidding!

These memories will keep on pinching your mind and nevertheless most of these events, masakit man or hindi the usual reaction you will have is to just smile.... and sigh. And by the way, if  PAGASA will declare that the class or work is suspended... expect mo na bigla na lang aaraw after that...

I See Dead People

Just landed on my bed. Was about to sleep for another early work on a manic Monday. Obviously on my title, what I want to throw tonight on my trash bin is this ability.... or gift that I can see some people which I pressume are already dead. Yes, not only that I'm color blind, but I have my third eye opened.

Eversince I was a kid, I already know that there is something unusual in what I see. Did I even got scared? Hell yeah! Way back then it really freaks me out. How can I never forget the old lady in our old house. At first, I keep on convincing myself that it's just my imagination considering myself being an avid fan of horror movies. But what I see is different, they're not like the ghosts in movies that are headless, in white dresses or scary looking beings. The so called ghosts that I see are like humans. I can"t even distinguish the differences. The only time I will realize that they're one of them is their attire. Like what's a girl wearing a nanny dress doing inside my office. Or an old guy wearing a soldier-like uniform on a sunny day at the beach. Scary? Nah, I got used to it!

I can really describe their full appearance. Like the time I'm with my friends at their farm. While we were drinking wine I saw an old bald guy outside wearing white t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of slippers. They're aware that I can see them. When one of my close friends got drunk, he finally had the guts to ask if I'm seeing something, or someone. I don't wanna ruin the night, but I can't help but to ask my friend who is the owner of the farm house about the guy I saw. I described the man and suddenly he screamed like a girl and told me that it was their helper who died there. Another example is when I saw my friend's dead uncle, another friend's dead nanny etc...

You know why I'm not scared? It's because I'm waiting for the time that I will saw my mom... she died of cancer when I was 16 years old. God knows how much I missed her. They say that maybe it's because she already crossed over that's why I can't see her anymore. But how can she, when she keeps on saying on her last breath that she doesn't want to die yet?! That we're too young for her to leave us?! Since I have this gift, I'm not losing hope that I will see her again...

Sabi ni Ally Mcbeal

This series used to be an eye opener for me.... one of the best lines I can never forget:

 

If you see me walking on the road with someone else, its not because I like his company, its because you're not brave enough to to walk beside me. If you hear me talking about him, its not because he pleases me, its because you're deaf to hear my heartbeat. If you feel me falling with someone new, its not because I love him, its because you're not there to catch me if I fall..

Sometimes... when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.

Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

Here I am, the victim of my own choices. And I'm just starting.

Sometimes... there's no point in the truth if the only thing it will do is cause pain.

The real truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content. Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.

Remember, when you're with me, it's the only time you're not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.

I've been dumped before. This isn't pain I'm feeling, it's nostalgia.

Nothing’s PERFECT, No one lives FOREVER

Perfect, Forever… these two words that people really drools into just to achieve it, just to be it. Almost everybody would fight for and die for just to have it. But yeah almost… not all… not me.



It’s a given fact that nobody’s perfect, it’s just that people strive their best just to be close enough in that position. Same with the word forever. Everything dies/fades but atleast before it came to that point, some people will try to experience the "feeling" of living forever. Yeah been there done that and I must admit it really creates this amorous feeling in the air that surrounds you. Parang wala ng maling mangyayari na you could even say that evrythings under your control and all is in the plan. You can even feel like you have this certain power to move mountains na everytime you see people failing, you feel blessed na masasabi mo na you're one of the luckiest creature. Sobrang gaan ng feeling mo sobrang swabe. You can even describe it best as "Heaven".But the question is, how far can you go? How long can you sustain it?

Dito na papasok yung conflicts. After savoring the feeling, sooner or later you're gonna ask yourself the "what if" questions. What if hindi ko masustain? What if mawala yung spark? What if hindi ko ma-maintain? What if there's a dead end ahead this happy long journey? Well two types of people would take these questions differently. The first one would not care at all as long as he's enjoying the moment. Saka na lang isipin pag dumating na and enjoy muna "for now". Dito palang questionable na yung "forever". The second one would prepare himself on the worse case scenarios ahead of time. Pwedeng i-ready na nya yung sarili nya or umisip na sya ng mga maaaring di magandang kauuwian na halos ma-paranoid na. Would you still consider it as a "perfect" feeling then? Either way parehas lang na haharap yan sa word na "End". Prolly different tactics on how you're gonna take it but in anyway you have to accept that fact.


This is just my two cents, it may sound bitter but for me, the word perfect and forever in a relationship is just a mere delusion that most people loves to dwell into. May mga tao na sobrang strict pagdating dito. They tend to get mad because of the fact na gusto nila laging perfect ang lahat. But because of this kind of attitude, fights are being made that could lead into misunderstanding and worse is to a break-up. Meron namang iba na sobrang pasensyoso, di marunong magalit or hindi na lang nilalabas yung galit para wala ng conflict or gulo but still being misunderstood because of that. Ang sama pa eh kung kelan di ka na marunong magalit eh saka pa sayo idedemand dahil at some point daw eh healthy sa isang relasyon yung nag aaway. If you're like the first type of person that i've mentioned, then you failed to maintain perfection and forever, most probably you will try to be the second type of person na nasabi ko and vice versa. Kasi you might feel na if you change the way you are, baka maayos na ang lahat and you might get or redeemed both perfection and forever. Eh what if you've been into both ways but still you ended up the same? Ano na lang di ba?!?! The only consolation thought that you'll just get is masasabi mo na lang na siguro wrong person lang or wrong timing. Na prolly you're just not meant to be. But until when are you gonna take these kind of consolation prizes? Kaya nowadays, you can't blame people who's not into relationship. Yung iba pa-date date na lang, yung iba naman sex na lang. Most people are traumatized committing themselves for so many different reasons. But whatever it is, they tried to make it perfect like it's forever before they end up like that. Ang mahirap lang is when you met someone whom you think is the right one, that person is already graduated in failing many relationships. Na kahit ano pa ang gawin mo eh barado na ang utak at puso nya. Na in the end you might think that life is cruel and baka mag end up ka na lang din na gayahin sya. I really find it stupid but this is how the chain reaction is.

So instead of having high hopes in having a forever perfect relationship, mas ok pa na isipin mo na lang na there's always an end to everything. Not that you're giving up already on being happy with someone pero atleast mas alam mo na yung totoo na mangyayari. Na you don't have to think a lot of things to make it perfect and how to make it forever. As long as you know that you're inlove and your feelings are true, that's all that matters. In that way you can give it all without any worries. Kung sakaling hindi mag work out, eh ganun talaga eh, atleast ok na yung wala kang regrets of showing what you really are. And without these delusions, if ever it didn't work out, hindi gaanong masakit.

Pseudo Relationship "Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi"

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang formal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-jowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the one may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa partner nya (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" factor.

I’ve encountered a lot of people who wants to try pseudo-relationship with me. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig factor. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, either one or both of you is being unfair.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other guys, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other guys?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya… almost, but not quite.

Welcome ME!

OKKK... first and foremost I never expect that I would end up doing this. What else but having this site. I'm too afraid of bloggers because they can divulge anything about you! Well, that was my first impression. But look at me right now... There's a better explanation why I have this shit. I just realized that this is the best garbage truck who can assist me trashing all my random thoughts. The thoughts that you suddenly think of while you're at a public place, public transport, and/or at the public toilet bowl! I have saved some of my so called random thoughts on a disk and on a digital diary LOL... but I think I should secure them more putting it here. I don't mind if someone will read all the things I'm going to post here but it would be a good release on my part saying all the things that I want. So welcome ME! :D